Sitting here, in my living room, on the makeshift couch I created out of my camp ground pads, and numerous blankets, I contemplate what to share with you today. My light brown, super soft snuggie is wrapped around my legs and feet. My black Dell laptop on my lap, with feet straight out in front of me. To my left is my ukulele in the hard case I purchased right before I left Kirkwood for the summer. Straight ahead is my bookshelf, jam packed with books, and my camping chair and camping table being used as my dining table. To my right is my bright blue composition book for my writing class, and a huge mirror, with a teal frame that I spray painted a year ago.
This space makes me happy. It is me, and it is filled with things that I love. The kitchen, my bedroom, all of it is filled with very few things, but these things are me and things that I love. I am happy in this space. I can relax in this space. I am productive in this space.
Having only been back to Kirkwood for a week and a half now, you can say that I am simply riding high on the fumes of a fresh season, fresh start, and having had so much free time over the summer I am just well rested and ready to work. However, in this incredibly short period of time, I find myself feeling, saying to myself, and announcing out loud, that, “I am happy.” Both creativity and productivity have been pumping through my veins and splattered all around me nearly every hour of my days. Writing more than ever, and working specifically on projects I have been dreaming to pull together for years, I am experiencing more than satisfaction, and closer to success. Without even completing a piece yet, or submitting a piece, I feel the sensation of success. Ideas flow from my mind, to my mouth, and into action while I am at work. Others get excited for them, and genuinely want to help me with them. Running meetings, making decisions, and connecting with people fill my days. We laugh, I am goofy, and our eyes light up with excitement. Honesty, trust and passion surge from me and into me from others.
I love my job. I am so happy.
Those others have blown me away every single day. I go to sleep at night feeling the love of not just all my family and friends around the world, but of those that are right next door, down the road, or that live in the next town but I will see again in the morning, or in a few days. Hugs are a daily occurrence with a different friend or coworker each time. Those others are genuinely interested in how I am doing right now, and how my summer has been. I am genuinely interested in the same. Trying to make this known, I do take the extra time to have conversations with those I cross paths with, pausing from the computer screen or phone, providing good eye contact, and giving someone the gift of my attention. I do it for them because I do care deeply, but also because I know he/she would do the same for me. We all have bad days. We are there for each other. We cannot be all sunshine and rainbows every single day, but that does not mean we are not happy at our core. I am happy. I am so very happy to work with such wonderful people. I am so happy to call these people my co-workers, neighbors and friends. I am so happy!
What is it that makes one happy? Is it different for each person? For me, my goal three years ago was to find a person, place and career that I love. I did find all three of these things here at Kirkwood. Is that all we need? There is something more to it. I have enjoyed being in the ski industry since I wandered in less than two years ago. But I was not this happy. Having a space that is my own, that I feel revitalized in, and productive in, and can invite others to come over and enjoy, that is important to my happiness. Being in a position where I can exercise my creative juices, be heard, supportive, make things happen, and make other people happy, that is important to my happiness. Engaging in a community that shows care, empathy, and support for each other, and knows how to have fun in simple ways, is important to my happiness.
These are the times when someone like me, who has gone through a lot of hardships in life, worries that life is too good right now and so it must be too good to be true. When is the next bad thing going to happen? I have been sick for nearly two months now, and have a bruised rib, which likely will keep me from snowboarding for a while. However, I have not snowboarded in a long time, and therefore I know countless ways to make myself happy without being strapped in. Is this what the season is going to be like? Exhausting nonstop productivity and socializing, but the most blissful and successful period of my life? Dang, I sure hope so. This feels amazing.
What do you need to be happy? What are you searching for? What moments, experiences, or factors of life make you feel the most blissful, the most complete, the most proud of yourself, or just the most happy about this journey of life? Please think about these questions as you go through your day. Try to pay attention to your most blissful moments, and why they fill you with a state of happiness. Then, find ways to bring more of that into your life. Also, pay attention to the moments that bring you experiences of anxiety, frustration, hurt, sadness, and hopelessness. Dive into what is going on in these moments. What is the root cause of these feelings. What can you do about it? Can you remove something from your life? Or do you need to add something to balance it out and center yourself.
For example, when I was facing extreme anxiety while recovering from my concussion, the only solutions I could find is meditation focused on anxiety, and seeing a therapist. Later, I had to make some scary, risky, big decisions in my life. Look inward. Pay attention to how you are feeling. Find solutions. Go after it. I am happy, and I want the same for you.