Elite adventure athletes – the climbers free soloing El Capitan, the alpinists summiting Mount Everest without oxygen, the backcountry skiers jump turning through sloughing chutes. They choose extreme activities in extreme places. Many of the general population cannot even think about attempting the things they do. Therefore, many of the population assume they must have something different going on in their brains. They have less of a sense of risk; less of a fear of dying. More confidence. More trust. Or, do they engage in these high risk activities because they do not care if they die? Or, even more, do they choose these activities because they want to die? They must have a death wish, right?
A few weeks ago I attended a panel with a focus on love and loss in the mountains, specifically honing in on mental health. I looked forward to this specific panel for the entire week of events because love and loss and mental health are the most important topics for my writing, and all my writing centers around the outdoors and travel. I expected to walk away with even more motivation to stay on my track of writing after hearing other authors and filmmakers express the need to be more vulnerable and express our mental and emotional struggles with these topics that we all experience.
Instead, I walked away a bit angry.
There was a lack of vulnerability in the questions, and in most of the answers. There was a tension on the stage. Most upsetting, I heard terms being thrown around that were completely insensitive and ignorant to those that do struggle with mental health.
“Are climbers crazy?” the moderator asked.
Crazy!? Are you really using the word crazy right now?! This is not even the worst part. The part that really grinds my gears is that one or two people actually indulged the question, and felt the need to defend climbers from the label of crazy.
“Oh no, we are not crazy!”
There are so many issues here it is hard to know where to start.
First of all, in general, the term crazy used in regards to mental health is just not okay. In past decades, people would use the term “crazy” in replacement of a proper diagnosis of an actual mental health symptom, psychosis, which is find with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. To me, using crazy when speaking of mental health issues, is akin to using other horribly offensive derogatory words. Words I cannot even say, but our society has used in the past for people who have a physical disability, a mental disability, or people with different skin color or from a different country.
Come on people! It’s almost 2020! We are better than this, aren’t we?
Secondly, was that some of the people (not all) speaking on the stage felt a need to defend himself and all climbers, from the term “crazy”. This, in turn supported the assumption that “crazy” has a negative connotation. Here’s why this irked me – if crazy has a negative connotation, we can rightly assume that they were using it in a way to refer to a mental health condition, and therefore they were feeling a need to defend and fight against the accusation that a climber might have a mental health condition! Really? No climbers have mental health struggles? That’s what you want to say?
Anxiety, depression, trauma, addiction – I’d wager a bet that you would be hard pressed to find a climber, or any person, who has not personally experienced one of these, or watched someone she loves struggle through one, or a combination. This would be an easy case to make twenty years ago, but even more so today, with the mental health effects of social media. If we are talking specifically about elite athletes – those in the limelight – they have to be on social media. They have sponsors, and they sure as hell feel the pressure to get likes and followers, and when they do not, it does not feel good. Remind you of anything? The obnoxious and sometimes debilitating relentless cycle of anxiety and depression.
My third issue with the term “crazy” joined the party of my annoyances once I looked up the actual definition of the term.
- full of cracks or flaws : UNSOUND
- not mentally sound : marked by thought or action that lacks reason : INSANE
- IMPRACTICAL
- ERRATIC
- being out of the ordinary : UNUSUAL
- distracted with desire or excitement
- absurdly fond : INFATUATED
- passionately preoccupied : OBSESSED
After having read these definitions of crazy, would you still argue that climbers are not crazy? Would you still argue that the alpinist who climb Everest eight times, or even the resort skiers that aim for 150 days in a season are not crazy? Maybe not to the negative connotation of the definition, but what about the others? Would you say they are unusual, distracted with excitement, infatuated and/or passionately preoccupied? Hell yes you would! And are these so bad? I bet most climbers would proudly state their being out of the ordinary and infatuated with the sport.
Lastly, my biggest issue with this question and the responses it brought about from this panel, is the simple fact that climbing, and all sports, whether we are elite athletes, or trying it for the very first time, are monumentally beneficial to our mental health. How many climbers out there used to suffer from substance abuse and found that the sport gave them a new community, and a new way to spend their free time? How many long distance through-hikers have used the Appalachian Trail or the Pacific Crest Trail to heal from trauma, allowing themselves the time and space to process their pain, shedding endless tears on the trail? How many skiers have faced season long recovery from injuries, sending herself into a deep and relentless spiral of anxiety and depression sitting on the couch, feeling she has lost her own identity?
To me, mental health struggles, and the outdoors, go hand in hand. Our outdoor sports help us navigate through our issues, help heal, and give us a tool to come back to when we find ourselves slipping again. Congruently, we cannot expect to enjoy our outdoors sports, especially in the extreme or elite world, and not have mental health issues arise, whether from an injury, death of a partner, pressure from society or a sponsor, or life after children or retirement.
We need to be more educated in this world, use proper terminology, and create a space that is open and vulnerable, not one that is filled with tension and is defensive. Those that are more in the public space should be role models for expressions and discussion of mental health, not trying to pretend that elite athletes are perfect. How does that encourage the younger generation to go after their dreams? Oh well, I suffer from depression, and all of the famous athletes have no mental health issues, so I will never get there. The world needs to know that these outdoor sports can be tools, and they also risk more than just death and injury. Yes, outdoor sports will absolutely affect our mental health, bilaterally!
We need to realize that there is one common thread between us all – the human condition. We are people who crave connection, and who suffer from emotional and mental struggles. This is what makes us uniquely human. Whether a teenager struggling with his own self-esteem and self-worth, a climber free soloing El Capitan, or the sherpas that help athletes summit Mount Everest, we all have mental health issues. We just don’t have the words to define them. We don’t have the space to talk about them. We don’t have leaders telling us it is okay and normal.
If you take away one thing from this essay, let it be this – mental health struggles are NORMAL. That is the only normal that I know. That is the only normal I have witnessed.
As the beautiful mental health mermaids of the non-profit foundation, OneWave, put it, “it’s okay to not be okay.”
Thank you, to all of the role models out there that are being vulnerable, sharing their own struggles, past and present, opening your hearts and minds to others, to reduce the stigma around mental health. You are making one more person feel less alone and more “normal.” You are a trailblazer for an honest and healthy life. You are making an impact.
One last thing – to all those that think climbers are crazy, or those summiting Mount Everest, or those taking six months away from their paid job to hike the Pacific Crest Trail, or even just living out of a van for a full year or more – they think you are crazy too. To them (us), living in the suburbs, in a traffic jammed polluted city, working 40 to 60 hours per week with maybe two weeks vacation if you are lucky – that’s crazy. But let’s change this word. Let’s change this outside perception of “the other.” We each make different choices in life. Besides mental health struggles being the one common thread among us all, there is one other, that is even more important, or in reality, the same thing – we all just want to be happy. Let me say this again – we all just want to be happy! Everything we do, we do in order to try to feel happy. So, if you are a climber, living out of your van in Yosemite for six months, and you pass by a family dressed in khakis and clean crisp collared shirts from the Bay Area, know that you are both after the same exact thing – happiness. You just have two different paths to get there.
Our world needs more openness and more support, of everyone, from every background, going after each individual dream. This needs to be a vulnerable and loving conversation. Vulnerable and loving.
I invite you to start this conversation right now. Here. In the comments. With your friends those that are around you right now. Let’s go!
Important Note: This in no way meant to attack any individuals, but rather to stand up against society’s pressures and expectations as a whole. The purpose of this essay is to change perceptions and open up more spaces and people to be vulnerable and honest.